I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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