OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
