At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
do nipples grow back?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
