You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize