We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
