Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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