did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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