Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize