porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
