I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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