I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
