You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
