remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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