my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
