just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
