Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
