totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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