My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
