If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
