if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
