giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
