Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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