Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
