Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
