perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
