true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize