CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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