Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
