You made me cry and you don't even care
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
