lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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