i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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