I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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