everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize