My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
