How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
