just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
