Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
