I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
