I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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