I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
