gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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