Non-Jews are for practice
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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