its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
