I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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