Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
