Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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