sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
