I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
