Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
