I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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