okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
