Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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