Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
