you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
