she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
