my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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