Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
