It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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