i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
