You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
