someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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