Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
