okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
