she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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