i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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